So you’ve matched with a girl you’re into… but now you have to talk to her. This is where A LOT of guys mess up, so let’s break it down. Here are the top 5 things guys do wrong when messaging a new match.

1. Starting your message with a pet name.

A lot of women don’t like it. It’s fine to tell her that she’s beautiful, but don’t refer to her as though her name is “Beautiful”. Don’t call her cutie, honey, baby, babe, or anything other than her name. Otherwise, you’re inserting a level of intimacy into the conversation that she won’t feel comfortable with yet. Unless your penis has been inside of her vagina, just call her by her first name.

2. Asking about her day, week, or weekend.

This is the most common initial message women receive. If you ask what she’s up to this weekend, what her plans are this week, or how she is doing today, you are unnecessarily risking getting ghosted. She’ll get this message 20+ more times today, so it’s super easy to just skip past yours and move on to something she finds more interesting.

Plus, how does someone answer that question in a meaningful way anyways?

“How was your day today?”

“Um… good?”

It’s just not an easy question to engage with.

3. Pickup lines and copy-pasted messages.

This is always super obvious. Pickup lines can be cute... but they’re usually not, and she’s almost definitely heard yours a hundred times. Similarly, a copy-and-pasted block of text telling her about yourself and what you’re looking for probably isn’t going to work - she knows that you send this to every girl. Writing individual messages requires a little more effort, but the boost to your response rate will absolutely be worth it.

4. Making it sexual.

Even if she’s DTF, you have to put in a little effort. If you’re immediately getting sexual, she’ll assume that you’ll have sex with anyone who responds to you.

Most women can order sex on a dating app faster than than they could order a pizza. If you’re immediately overtly sexual with her, she’s going to know that you’re overtly sexual with everyone… which means if she has sex with you tonight, she’ll know that it’s just because she’s the first girl that said yes.

Additionally, women who are DTF are generally also hoping to have an orgasm. Statistically, women only have an orgasm 50% of the time when hooking up, so they tend to choose their partner based on who they think will be the best lover.

If you’re spamming every match for sex, she’s going to assume that you haven’t had sex in a long time, you’re a shitty lover, and that after you collapse on top of her, she’ll leave sticky, sweaty, and thoroughly unsatisfied.

5. Asking her out immediately.

She’s talking to dozens of guys and will likely ignore your message. She has no reason to go out with you yet. She’s not sure if she’s interested, and no one wants to waste a Friday night on a bad first date. Talk to her and get to know her, charm the ever living hell out of her, and then ask her out. You should always ask her out when she’s most likely to say yes to you, not in your first message to her.

It’s a totally different experience.

Men and women have different experiences with online dating. The most common problem men face is not getting enough matches or getting low-quality matches while the most common problem women face is getting an onslaught of low-quality messages.

Clearly, one of these problems is worse than the other (sorry guys) - but you still need to take her experience into consideration when messaging her so that you can anticipate her behavior.

An attractive female will receive up to 50 matches a day, which means that she probably has 20+ unread messages in her inbox right now. Responding to messages starts to feel like a chore, especially when we’re having the exact same conversation dozens of times a day.

Your primary obstacle is that she’s overwhelmed with the number of messages she has and hates having the same conversation over and over again.

Your goal should be to get her attention. You want her to notice your message as something shiny and unique in a pile of the same old muck.

If you want to learn how to compose an initial message that will dramatically increase your response rate, you can check out my services, make an appointment, or read what other guys have been saying about me.

Cheers,

Chloe